It is in construction:

yosup, please, it has been a day, i need some advice on this, and how to improve it. thanks. it would be great

Try not to grab dm. I.E. = that split you did.
The second dismemberment in my opinion, could have been a boomhit (they are hard for me to do >-< but if you consume a lot of time in getting a boomhit, you will get it =]).

I saw no fluidity, no style.
7/10

Well, anyways, thanks for the tips, will try to do later.