I think the sentence where it says "Students take half of their courses the first semester, and half in the second" should be "and the other half..." to make it parallel to the previous. Aside from that I think most of the grammar problems in the paper can be fixed with a good spell check.
Now then... I do have a few suggestions for the actual content of the paper. (Might skip this if you want to, rather long.)
First off, I'd suggest ending your first paragraph with a clear thesis statement/sentence; that is ending it with the debatable topic (Should we have a schedule increase) and your opinion in that topic (We shouldn't extend the high-school schedule). It also would be really nice if the thesis/end sentence specifically outlined specifically what parts you'll be going over. As in instead of having: "This is not a good idea for many
reasons." Use something along the lines of: "I am against this change in policy
because it will/I believe it will reduce a student's focus/understanding of his or her subjects, and reduce student's test scores."
Also, incorporate more evidence into your paper. It's good that the paper isn't riddled with illogical thoughts, but you still need something to back up your ideas. Specifically, I'd suggest starting out with a powerful quote on this subject, and explaining who the "some" and "others" in your paper are. Additionally, it'd be good to have other professors/teachers quotes against extended school hours. Adding evidence and citations would greatly help in making your paper seem more credible, especially in it's claim that extended school hours reduce focus.
Lastly I'd suggest using more intros in your sentences. Just to make the paragraphs flow better.
For the last paragraph, you could do something like: "There are many other reasons why we should keep our schools current plan of a four block day. One of these is the loss of focus it would create. Our schedule has brought our school into the
good state (If people within the school feel that way.) it is in now. Changing it would be a a step backwards for the school. So, I hope that we may keep our current plan in order to preserve our currently successful condition." (Basically restating your goal.)
Last edited by JinxZ; May 15, 2010 at 07:59 PM.