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Proofread this, please. =)
Ok, so I've to write an essay on a debate our school is facing. The school board wants to change the schedule of highschoolers. So, I decided to write about it.

Proofread for correct usage/mechanics, ect. Not retardism.
I would love your grammar-nazi abilities.
Other than indentation. Its a given.

Any constructive posts will be greatly appreciated. I'd love some help on how I could make my writing flow a bit better.


Over the years, highschoolers have become accustomed to a four-block school day. This includes four classes a day and a lunch period. The
required courses are split into semesters. Students take half of their courses the first semester, and the other half in the second. Some schoolboard members are proposing that students take all four classes every day throughout the school year. This change in policy would be a step backwards from the positive state it's currently in.

Four-block scheduling is the current standard for a reason. The dividing of classes into semesters yeilds many benefits. Students are given
more class time daily to complete assignments, and recieve instruction. Students also avoid cramming for various tests, due to the small
amount of classes taken at once. The schedule also allows the students more focus on induvidual subjects.

Some claim that students forget the material taught in previous semesters. This problem is avoided readily with pre-test review of the
course. The number of outstanding graduates, and test scores devalidate this claim. Others claim that the class periods are too lengthy,
and most students lose focus over time during the class. With a 7 period day, students would be less focused generally, due to the more
diverse subject matter. The benefits simply outweigh the risks.

Other arguments exist, but they aren't worth mentioning. Our schedule is fine as it is, and shouldn't be ammended. Attempimg change would be a mistake, and would be a regret of the school board. The majority of teachers and students don't like the idea. Don' fix what isn't broken.

Any constructive posts will be greatly appreciated. I'd love some help on how I could make my writing flow a bit better.

And please don't post your tl;dr's.
Last edited by jxc1013; May 16, 2010 at 05:25 AM.
Thanks.
Well i have to get off, i looked at 1st para though:

Over the years, highschoolers have become accustomed to a 4-block school day. This includes four classes a day and a lunch period. The
required courses are split into semesters. Students take half of their courses the first semester, and half in the second. Some school
board members are proposing that students take all four classes every day throughout the school year. This is not a good idea for many
reasons.

1.Don't think you need comma after 'a day, and a"
2. courses was spelled ccourses
3. every was spelled eery

Want to try something completely new to the Toribash Forums? Try the 10 Push-up Challenge!

Thanks much. =D
Notepad lacks spell check.
For some reason, Chrome didn't pick up ccourses when I pasted.
Thanks.
Over the years, schoolmasters have become accustomed to a 4-block school day. This includes four classes a day, and a lunch period. The
required courses are split into semesters. Students take half of their concourse the first semester, and half in the second. Some school
board members are proposing that students take all four classes beery day throughout the school year. This is not a good idea for many
reasons.

Four-block scheduling is the current standard for a reason. The dividing of classes into semesters yields many benefits. Students are given
more class time daily to complete assignments, and relieve instruction. Students also avoid cramming for various tests, due to the small
amount of classes taken at once. The schedule also allows the students more focus on individual subjects.

Some claim that students forget the material taught in previous semesters. This problem is avoided readily with pee-test review of the
course. The number of outstanding graduates, and test scores devastate this claim. Others claim that the class periods are too lengthy,
and most Studebaker lose focus over time during the class. With a 7 period day, students would be less focused generally, due to the more
diverse subject matter. The benefits simply outweigh the risks.

Other arguments exist, but they aren't worth mentioning. Our schedule is fine as it is, and shouldn't be commended. Attention change would be a mistake, and would be a regret of the school board. Not entirely sure how to finish this paragraph.
i have a totally post modern tattoo of a scalene triangle.
<DeadorK> fair maiden
<DeadorK> if the cum is going to be in your mouth
<DeadorK> it shall be in mine as well
Originally Posted by War_Hero View Post
Over the years, schoolmasters have become accustomed to a 4-block school day. This includes four classes a day, and a lunch period. The
required courses are split into semesters. Students take half of their concourse the first semester, and half in the second. Some school
board members are proposing that students take all four classes beery day throughout the school year. This is not a good idea for many
reasons.

Four-block scheduling is the current standard for a reason. The dividing of classes into semesters yields many benefits. Students are given
more class time daily to complete assignments, and relieve instruction. Students also avoid cramming for various tests, due to the small
amount of classes taken at once. The schedule also allows the students more focus on individual subjects.

Some claim that students forget the material taught in previous semesters. This problem is avoided readily with pee-test review of the
course. The number of outstanding graduates, and test scores devastate this claim. Others claim that the class periods are too lengthy,
and most Studebaker lose focus over time during the class. With a 7 period day, students would be less focused generally, due to the more
diverse subject matter. The benefits simply outweigh the risks.

Other arguments exist, but they aren't worth mentioning. Our schedule is fine as it is, and shouldn't be commended. Attention change would be a mistake, and would be a regret of the school board. Not entirely sure how to finish this paragraph.

Lets have this as an example of what not to to, guys. >_>
Thanks.
I think the sentence where it says "Students take half of their courses the first semester, and half in the second" should be "and the other half..." to make it parallel to the previous. Aside from that I think most of the grammar problems in the paper can be fixed with a good spell check.

Now then... I do have a few suggestions for the actual content of the paper. (Might skip this if you want to, rather long.)

First off, I'd suggest ending your first paragraph with a clear thesis statement/sentence; that is ending it with the debatable topic (Should we have a schedule increase) and your opinion in that topic (We shouldn't extend the high-school schedule). It also would be really nice if the thesis/end sentence specifically outlined specifically what parts you'll be going over. As in instead of having: "This is not a good idea for many
reasons." Use something along the lines of: "I am against this change in policy because it will/I believe it will reduce a student's focus/understanding of his or her subjects, and reduce student's test scores."

Also, incorporate more evidence into your paper. It's good that the paper isn't riddled with illogical thoughts, but you still need something to back up your ideas. Specifically, I'd suggest starting out with a powerful quote on this subject, and explaining who the "some" and "others" in your paper are. Additionally, it'd be good to have other professors/teachers quotes against extended school hours. Adding evidence and citations would greatly help in making your paper seem more credible, especially in it's claim that extended school hours reduce focus.

Lastly I'd suggest using more intros in your sentences. Just to make the paragraphs flow better.

For the last paragraph, you could do something like: "There are many other reasons why we should keep our schools current plan of a four block day. One of these is the loss of focus it would create. Our schedule has brought our school into the good state (If people within the school feel that way.) it is in now. Changing it would be a a step backwards for the school. So, I hope that we may keep our current plan in order to preserve our currently successful condition." (Basically restating your goal.)
Last edited by JinxZ; May 15, 2010 at 07:59 PM.

(>^_^)>
Excellent ideas, Jinx.
The paper is for a push-over perma substitute teacher. He seems to emphasize his opinion on using "I" or "We" in this type of writing. In other words, he doesn't want them.

I am against this change in policy because it will/I believe it will reduce a student's focus/understanding of his or her subjects, and reduce student's test scores.

I really like this. Kind of worked it in to the first paragraph.

As for the teachers testimony, I wouldn't go that far. I'm not actually trying to prove a point, just trying to write a persuasive essay. Plus, Im a freshman. =o Low expectations ftw.

I revised the paper, and reposted.
Thanks.